!4 February 2026

When my Rosemary was alive we would compare notes on many things. We would plan trips, go shopping at our local Safeway. We made sure we had plenty of cat food and kitty litter. If I had to go somewhere without her, it was most pleasant to arrive home and have her ask me what I had done and if my photo session had been a good one.

Now alone (but with two cats), I feel that situation of not having any obligations except the menialities of the day, feeding the cats and if it is a nice day to ride my bike to Jericho Beach; somehow feels like an emptiness that hits my soul.

I call that feeling existential angst. When Rosemary was around I used the initials WTD (waiting to die) and PTD (preparing to die).

Financially, thanks to Rosemary, I do not have to worry about money. The phone rarely rings and photographic jobs have simply disappeared. I have to think of projects that will keep me taking photographs.

Because I lived in Mexico for many years and with Rosemary in Mexico City  for 7 years we grew accustomed to the Mexican’s awareness of death. While in Canada and the US we have Halloween in Mexico they celebrate The Day of the Dead. Some years ago I wrote a blog “Who Will Be First?” I indicated that if I were the one to die, Rosemary would have problems opening jars and cans.

While I wait for my oblivion, I distract myself with my blog writing (6809 to date), scanning plants from my garden ,and best of all, trying to think of ways of doing stuff in my oficina.

My grandmother, whom I called Abue, often told me,”Cuando el diablo no tiene nada que hacer, con el rabo espanta moscas.” That translates to, “When the devil is bored he swats flies with his tail.”

Because in this century the self-portrait has disappeared to make way for those phone selfies I wondered what I could do that I had not done before. I have in the past scanned my face. Today I put by 6x7cm darkroom enlarger negative carrier on the scanner. I have explained that in that past century some photographers (me included) would file the edges of the carrier with a metal file. The result was a look that when printing full frame the edge was as accurate an identity of the photographer as his fingerprint.

My variation was to put my eye and glasses on the carrier. I did two. By reversing one of them I have here a pseudo self-portrait that adamantly I will not call a selfie.

PS. The date of my self-portrait is 14 February 2026. I am placing the blog to fill missing blogs holes.