January 6, 2022

On December 26, 2021 I gave a lecture on photography in Buenos Aires. Those attending squeezed me dry with questions. For the first time in a long while I felt useful.

Today January 7, 2022 I had the kind of day I believe I will have from now on unless something changes or I change it.

I woke up at 7:25 when Niño got on top of me. He is heavy. I was out of the bed by 7:45 and went downstairs and fed both Niño and Niña. I did not open the living room sliding door or the deck gate until 8:20 when there was more light for the cats. I made my breakfast.

Because I had run out of bread I had my vitamins and heart pills, orang juice, a big mug of strong tea and tortillas. I brought it up in the tray that Rosemary and I used to have our breakfast in bed.

Because of the previous day’s snow and no newspaper delivery today I had two New York Times and two Vancouver Suns.

After an hour Niño got on the bed with Niña who was already there. I began to experience a cabin fever that these days consists in a lack of conversation or seeing a person’s face and making eye contact. I have no distraction from that conundrum as I still do not have a phone. My drowned phone might be fixed next week.

I decided to collect the stuff I brought from Buenos Aires for Hilary and I drove (a nice sunny day) to the Burquitlam Safeway where she is the wellness manager. I bought her a mint/chocolate drink at the store Starbucks and had a short chat while carefully wearing two face masks. Somehow this divided my day a bit.

The problem is returning home. I cannot go on the HOV lane because the empty seat on the passenger seat has no Rosemary. Driving by places I went with Rosemary are a constant reminder of my loss. Thankfully I have a large paper town roll I use to dry my tears.

Once at home I have the next event to consider which is what I will have for my lunch/dinner. Once that is solved (barbecued chicken wings on my home barbecue) I watched a bit of Rachel Maddow. She had her day off so she was replaced by Ari Velshi. This made me remember that both he and Rosemary went to Queens University. I cannot stop associating, which is why I keep grieving.

At 7:30 I gave the cats their treats and I took my tub bath. Rosemary would usually say, “Alex leave the water I think I want to get in.”

I brushed my teeth, put on my flannel nightgown and got into bed to read my National Geographic History and Ishiguro’s Klara and the Sun.

I did not turn off the lights at 8pm as it seems I am doing so earlier every day. I decided to go to my oficina to write this “day in the life”.

The real issue is that because of my cats I feel that I am needed and thus I am useful to them. But there is nothing else these days that can dispel that my utility to anybody is of any importance.

Tomorrow I will wake up at 7:25. I will go down at 7:45 and feed the cats, then…