Rosemary 1968 - Alex 2 December 20924 - Curtis Daily

Because I am so often behind my camera I like to use the expression “who shaves the barber” in relation to photographs that others take of me. This does not happen often. This past week my Portland friend Curtis Daily paid me a visit. I asked him to “shave this barber”.

The technique is a one shot (if subject closes eyes, tough) and grossly underexposed with my Fuji X-E3. The colours are odd (I like them). I was happy with Daily’s portrait.

Last night, when he was gone I had long thoughts of how in so many travels with my Rosemary and daughters or granddaughters she would stand behind me and tell me to photograph them.

I regret that I did not take more portraits of her.

What you see here is one in a series that I took in Mexico City in 1968 a few months after we were married. I had never taken photographs of anybody in the nude. I love this shot as it shows her tenderness and beauty.

And yes this barber shaved the barber’s wife. And why this blog?

Curtis Daily and I visited Don Stewart’s Macleod Books. I spotted this lovely book in which photographer Arthur Ollman features the photographs taken by well-known photographers of their wives and lovers.

Top - Arisaema tortuosum var. helleborifolium - Astrantia major subs. involucrata 'Shaggy' & Hosta 'First Frost' 26 November 2024

On this cold and almost rainy day I smiled (a tad) when I saw Rosemary’s Astrantia major subsp. Involucratá ‘Shaggy with one solitary bloom. And then I noticed the Arisaema (called a Jack in the Pulpit) with its lovely fruit that is usually not seen as it is hidden by the leaves. To complete my scan I picked a leaf of Hosta ‘First Frost’ whose name is appropriate for the season that is about to prevail.

The stubbornness off Rosemary’s Astrantia solidified this memory that I have of Rosemary who always seemed to know what we wanted before I did.

As the cold increases my bed is almost warm with the company of Niño and Niña. I talk to them about Rosemary with no response from them. I believe that they are being diplomatic.

In Buenos Aires in 1952, when I was 10 years old, I fell in love for the first time. It was in my 5^th grade class and our teacher was Mrs. Zimmerman. We read excerpts of Great Expectations. I soon came to understand that I felt something I had never felt before. I was in love with the remote Estella. I, indeed, to this day, can state that she was my first love.

While I rejected Miss Havisham for being unresponsive to her ward’s coldness to Pipp I was attracted to her cold non-involvement. This might have been because I was a nerd before the term existed, and I was afraid to converse with the women in my class. I was their Pip.

It was in 1967 that I met Rosemary, who was not in the least like Estella. She was warm but at the same time she reflected a cool  withdrawn remoteness that reminded me of Miss Havisham.

In my 52 years of marriage I saw in her a combination of Estella and Miss Havisham. Unlike Estella at the end of Great Expectations, it took Rosemary not more than a couple of days to fall under the spell of this Argentine nerd.

This portrait of Yugoslavian friend Nena Kazulin, I shot with the idea of the photograph representing Miss Havisham. It has always been, in its frame, on our living room wall.

Rosemary never did mind as she understood what Miss Havisham, Estella and she represented in my life. 

Prophetic Commentary on the Qur'an

Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Allah said, 'The son of Adam hurts me for he abuses Time though I am Time: in My Hands are all things, and I cause the revolution of day and night.'

I had often wondered the origin of the term “time in my hands”. Thanks to Google in this century I have found out one version.

Today I saw the almost open bloom of English Rose, Rosa ‘Susan Williams-Ellis’ so I decided to scan it with a couple of Rosemary’s favourite grey plants Senecio Brachyglottis greyii and Senecio candicans ‘Angel Wings'. 

After that first scan, because I have time in my hands, I decided to include one of my inkjet prints of Rosemary of a photograph I took in 1969. Because I have dyslexia, I had some trouble arranging the print. That second result did not satisfy me as she was not gazing on the plants. After some confusion I managed to take that third version.

And yes, I have time in my hands.

Aristotle coined the expression “nature abhors a vacuum”.

That came to my thought today.

I often have a hard time falling asleep as I have never been able to follow that advice, “Don’t think; relax and you will sleep.”

When it is hot in the summer I think of Rosemary taking showers in Veracruz when we first met in 1967. When it is cold I think that as soon as I get home I will get into bed with her and we will get warm.

I have this lovely cashmere scarf she gave me some years ago. I have been wearing it when I walk Niño. Of course the scarf and walking Niño make me think of Rosemary and I feel sad.

The Cashmere Scarf

There is an old Star Trek episode that is much in my mind. It is called The Mark of Gideon. I can see Captain Kirk and behind him a window with constantly moving people from one side to another. Gideon is overpopulated.

The Mark of Gideon

In much the same way, when I turn of the lights people, I knew, friends & family, almost all dead. These people happen in my mind randomly. There are a couple that are frequent. They are my St. Edward’s High School good buddies, Lee Lytton and Howard Houston.

More and more, now I dream, and because I have to get up about 3 times to go to where the king goes alone, I remember the last part of the dream. Rosemary is now in those dreams.

All the above has brought me to the realization that as a human being I cannot seize to think and empty my mind. Does Nature abhor an empty mind and non-thought? No.

I have written often here how association is what makes us human. Can I stop walking Niño and not remember that Rosemary started it? Can I dry plates and put them up in the cupboard without thinking that both Rosemary and I liked to have a clear kitchen?

There are myriads of events I notice every day that remind me of Rosemary. I know I cannot stop. Busy distractions are only short-lived. Ultimately Rosemary is in my head. 

I find myself on my bed a lot during the day accompanied by my two cats. Instead of reading I stare at the ceiling and think.With my mind full my day cannot be an empty one.