Rosa 'Margaret Merrill' 4 November 2023

 

When someone you love dies the most often thought question is “Why was it not me? Why did it have to be her?”

That is followed by thoughts on objects that remain that are still around (in existence) when my Rosemary is not. Why is that blender still working?

This happens often when I go to the garden and particularly now in the fall when my roses (formerly our) are giving their last hurrah before they disappear until next year.

Here is Rosa ‘Margaret Merrill’ a rose that Rosemary adored. Why is it blooming even now and reminding me how Rosemary liked her?

The rose has bad black spot and I thought that scanning these with the unsightly leaves is an honest depiction of the rose that is bidding me goodbye.

As the days get colder and greyer I find myself really becoming a crazy cat lady. I talk to Niño and Niña in Spanish and they cuddle up to me like glue all day.

When the sun was out today around 4, I took Niño for his walk. I had been lazy about it. Somehow he remembered the route and he behaved. I felt useful and accompanied.

How was I ever to know that two brother and sister cats would provide me with my needed affection and attention? Am I crazy to think that they are human?

When I told my cardiologist about my situation with the cats he said, “Alex, they are not becoming more human. You are becoming more feline.”

Could he be right?