Dolores Reyes de Irureta Goyena

La Señora Mayor - the Elderly Lady - Jorge Luís Borges

My grandmother Dolores Reyes de Irureta Goyena until she died in 1970 was my good friend and mentor. Because my mother was a busy single mother, it was Abue who educated me. It was only later after she died that I realized that lots of her advice to me (in Spanish) was the advice Sancho Panza gave Don Quixote.

One of my faves when I used to tell her that I was bored was,"Chúpate el codo," or "Suck on your elbow."

It has been in the last few years, with the breakdown of the manners of people in social media, that something she told me has come to mind. In Facebook there are tons of large brightly colours rectangles telling you stuff like this:

 Heal so you can hear what’s being said without the filter of your wound.

 While we were living in Mexico City we had a friend called Dedé who worked for the F.W.Woolworth & Co. Her boss was a gentleman called Mr.Crump (I was never told his first name).

When people would give my grandmother advice she would say in Spanish, “Tiene un doctorado de la F.W. Woolworth y Compañía” which translates to “He(or she) has a doctorate from the F.W.Woolworth & Co”.

There is a lot of that now and the paradox must be that people read the advice but are still nasty.

 Since my Rosemary died on December 9 2020, I have been told

 You have your memories.

You need to find distractions.

It is what it is.

Get a hobby.

Don’t be negative as people will not want to talk to you.

My upper society family in Argentina might know something about this. Whenever you visit them and they might be eating you do not tell them:

Buen Provecho (may the food be good for you)

If somebody sneezes you say nothing.

Today I talked to my friend Kerry McPhedran who was an associate editor at Vancouver Magazine for many years. She married he husband Dave 51 years ago. After their wedding they decided to celebrate in Whistler. He and some friends died in an avalanche. McPhedran has never married. She told me, “I looked at myself in a mirror while staying with my mother and I thought [“That’s me and that’s what grief looks like.”]” She also told me that Dave is in her thoughts every day.

That gave me some comfort. But then Mc.Phedran does not have a degree from F.W. Woolworth & Co.