One day a few weeks later [after John Gregory Dunn’s death]I gathered up more bags and took them to John’s office, where he had kept his clothes. I was not yet prepared to address the suits and shirts and jackets but I thought I could handle what remained of the shoes, a start.

I stopped at the door of the room.

I could not give away the rest of his shoes.

I stood there for a moment, then realized why: he would need shoes if he was to return.

The recognition of this thought by no means eradicated the thought.

I have still not tried to  determine (say, by giving away the shoes) if the thought has lost its power.

The Year of Magical Thinking – Joan Didion

My Rosemary had bunions and always had difficulty in finding shoes that fit her. From the very beginning once we were married I always accompanied her to buy shoes. Often she bought the ones I suggested. After many years I really enjoyed the buying of her shoes. The shoe in this scan is one we bought at a Buenos Aires shoe store on Florida and Avenida de Mayo. They were her favourites when she didn’t have to dress up.

After Rosemary died on 9 December 2020 I found some comfort in Didion’s book. She started writing the book the morning after he husband died at their home dinner table of a heart attack.  I so liked this book that I read many more Didion books. Thanks to Didion I learned that while I would never get over Rosemary’s death, writing about her, was one way of overcoming a deep melancholy because it inspired me associate the many memories of having lived with her so many years. To this day, I have written 7042 blogs and many of them include her.

While unlike Didion I don’t think Rosemary will return to wear her shoes, I cannot just throw them into the garbage. The shoes have her presence and like Didion when I look at my closet in front of my bed I know her shoes are neatly arrayed behind the door.