Rosa 'St.Swithun' left - top & bottom Rosa 'Sweet Juliet' - right Rosa 'Sombreul' 4 October 2024

Rosa 'Thomas a Becket' left - right  Rosa 'Mrs. Oakley Fisher' - top  Rosa 'Queen of Sweden' - 5 October 2024

Los muertos, a falta de un lugar más confortable, se quedan en la cabeza de los seres queridos" javier Marías

The quote above by the now gone Spanish writer translates as: The dead with a lack of a more comfortable place, remain in the head of their loved ones.

Today  October 5, 2024 I had 3 roses in bloom. In a few days that will be the end of my roses until next year. Because it was my Rosemary who dragged me to a meeting of the Vancouver Rose Society in the late 80s I will always associate roses with her.

When we lived in Mexico I was more aware that in Spanish she was Rosamaría. It seemed that her connection with roses was more direct.

As fall turns into winter my daily regimen of feed my cats breakfast, writing a blog and scanning the plants from my Kits garden will be, sadly, reduced to the first two.

In Spanish there is a word that is equivalent to listless. The word is desganado. It literally means “without the will to do anything”. This is my situation these days. Going down the stairs in the morning to feed Niño and Niña I am confronted with my framed portraits of Rosemary, our two daughters and granddaughters. I cannot escape the presence of Rosemary.

Some of my friends suggest I move to another little house. I believe that my little Kits house will serve someone in my family well once I am gone.

“Once I am gone” is a constant thought with me. As my days become days when nobody calls or visits I have this nagging suspicion that I am waiting – waiting for what?  It is obvious that oblivion beckons as there are few distractions to prevent me from thinking that thought.

Yesterday and today I scanned the roses in my garden.  For some years I keep thinking of St. Luke’s (King James Bible version) “Do this in remembrance of me”. Scanning the roses, invariably somehow means that Rosemary is close.

Come winter, with the roses gone, her presence will be in the portraits on the wall. I sometimes say, “Rosemary!” in the presence of my two cats. They stare at me. Do they Remember?

For many years I thought that a sentient being was a human who walked on two feet. I have now realized that it is the ability to think and feel that is in the definition. I am convinced that my two cats are sentient beings.

There is some level of comfort that I share my grief with Niño and Niña.