On February 2019 my Rosemary and I went to Venice and Florence. I can remember vividly the day in Florence, when across the street where we had bought that evening’s dinner at supermarket not far from our hotel; we spotted a store with leather goods. Rosemary saw the little cat purse. We bought it.
Since Rosemary’s death on December 9, 2020 I have been staring at the cat purse as it hangs on one side of her dressing table mirror. At first I smile, the cat has an infectious smile. And then I grow melancholy. In the evening before I turn off the lights (as soon as I do Niño and Niña compete to get on top of me) I glance at the happy cat and sometimes I am overcome with sadness and tears flow.
I have been obsessed with the idea of time for a while. In particular how it is that when you do something you never think of how that which you are doing at that time will be remembered (seen?) in a near or far off future. I can see and remember the smile on Rosemary’s face when she spotted the cat purse. But I did not think then, that just a couple of years later I would be scanning it for this blog.
In a recent CBC Ideas program I heard how St. Augustine in his Confessions wrote how it is that we experience (and remember a melody). You hear the note, it instantly is in your past memory. You listen to the second note now, in the present, and then (and this is important) you anticipate that next note that is still to come.
|Niña on my side of the bed|
Since it is human to associate things, places, smells with people (or cats or animals or plants) I am constantly bombarded with these associations in this little Kits house that are all about my Rosemary. Will it ever cease? I do not think that will happen. Somehow these associations are much like St. Augustine’s take on melody.
My present is full of that past and I anticipate that future and wonder what will come next to push me back into the past and then to reflect in that quickly disappearing present.
As I work on the garden to prepare it for this year's open garden for the members of the Vancouver Rose Society, Rosemary's garden, now also mine, is a St. Augustine shift. She planted this one. We bought these together. They look nice now. How will they look for the VRS? Is is a melody in the making. I can hear it.