That Gluteus maximus
Wednesday, June 08, 2016
I don’t
remember when I last heard this: “A woman is as old as she looks and a man is
old when he stops looking.”
Every time
I visit my native city of Buenos Aires (the last time was in early April of
this year) I am shocked on how sexist my male counterparts are there. Women in
bikinis still sell beer or toothpaste. When I try to ask nephews why it is they
do not find this sort of advertising offensive they jokingly question my
preferred sexuality. I tell them how advance we are with this sort of thing in
Canada. They reply they would never want to live in such a place.
Consider
that three years ago the then female President, Cristina Fernández de Kirchner
appeared in a TV interview wearing black calzas largas (tight yoga pants)
there was a minor scandal. I was there when that happened and I found it very
funny. In Vancouver many women wear those yoga pants (little is left to the imagination) but we do have some sort
of restraint and Crispy Crunch would never wear them in public!
All of
the above is but an introduction to what here in Vancouver might be seen as a
sensitive topic. This is the fact that this almost 74 year-old man is going
bananas not to notice all the women wearing shorts with the recent hot weather.
My
granddaughters have told me that the dress code in school is that a girl has to
stand up and lower her arms. Shorts cannot be shorter than the tip of the
hands.
I have
been noticing how this rule does not seem to apply to young women not going to
school. What am I to do? Must I not turn around or look in any direction except
in front when I am driving? You cannot text and drive. I don’t. But is there a
summer bylaw in Vancouver prohibiting reacting to the distraction of women in
shorts?
This
brings me to Tarren. I have written before (but I will write about it here
again) how coming back in a de Havilland Beaver from a shoot for the CBC in
Egmont one afternoon the pilot suddenly jerked the plane and we lost altitude
as we were about to land in Coal Harbour. Somehow he gained control and the
landing was smooth. As we deplaned we were greeted by a beautiful woman with a melodious
voice (Mae West would have been jealous)”who said, “High Alex!” She was wearing
red satin short shorts or hot pants. It seems that both of those terms have
disappeared as shorts are now all short. The pilot said something like this to
me, “You know her? She is why we almost crashed.”
Not too
long after, Tarren posed for me in my Burnaby studio with our cat Gaticuchi and she wore those red satin shorts.
And
going to the close, I must point out that in my many years of studying the female
form, Tarren not only had grand legs but she also (and this is most important
if you want to wear shorts) had the most magnificent gluteus maximus I have
ever seen.
At this
point I know my Argentine nephews would nod in approval.
