Looking Back Into My Latent PastMonday, January 05, 2015
|Yuliya in my studio, Nikon FM-2 Kodak B+W Infrared Film|
My wife keeps harping at me that I live in the past. I did ask her a most personal question for which I knew the answer in advice. In her almost 70 years of existence she has lost her father and mother and a favourite aunt. Because my Rosemary is very shy she has made few friends on her own through the years. Many of her friends who have died have also been my friends. One of them was my mother whom Rosemary loved lots and the feeling was mutual.
But to be accurate here in my comparison, I have had many friends ( I photographed many of them) and a much larger family. I did not come from a small town like New Dublin (where Rosemary was born) so my exposure to people was greater.
As I look at my last yearly agenda (2010) at least half of the names in the address book are of people who have died or disappeared. I think of them all the time. That is why Rosemary says I live in the past.
In one of those marvellous moments when you finally find something to rebut Rosemary’s argument about my sinking all too much into my past I found a wonderful quote. Unfortunately she was asleep as I read this passage from George McWhirter’s lovely (and erotic) book of short stories The Gift of Women The passage is from the story Sisters in Spades about a young grade 11 girl from Mississauga who is being pushed back to grade 10 in a nun’s school in Ireland.
“Sounds like everything slips into reverse, here! Even common sense,” I say before I can stop myself."
|Mamiya RB-67 Pro-SD|
Looking back I could not have foreseen giving up my studio nor the pleasure in writing here on how right Yuliya’s idea was. I might not have realized what a wonderful moment it was when the shutter of my camera went at (1/8 of a second, I have that kind of a silly memory) but I do so now. Feeling wonderful now is the only way I can somehow rebut my Rosemary. And I know that the knowledge of the feeling and mood of this photograph of Yuliya in my long gone (the building was demolished three years ago) studio today will push me to take something like it in a near future. McWhirter is right about the Irish even though I am no Irish.