In these early January day of moments of reflection, I have been thinking about my role in this city with my family and friends. I have been thinking of my relationship with family and friends abroad.

Because of the political and religious fragmentation of our times I have noticed how yours truly is quickly painting himself into a corner. Besides my two daughters the only other humanity that I am close to are my two cats, Niño and Niña. The phone does not ring, emails do not arrive.

When I told my cardiologist that my cats were becoming more human by the day he said I was wrong. “You are becoming a cat.” They provide me the relief of knowing I am not quite alone. When I look at them I see a bit of my Rosemary in them.

I think a lot of the people who preceded me in my life. At my age of 81 few are left. Most have died.

My grandmother María de los Dolores Reyes de Irureta Goyena pretty well educated me, as my mother was busy trying to make ends meet as a teacher.

One constant comment my abue made, perhaps because she was by then feeling what old age does to a person, was “soy un cero a la izquierda”.

It is obvious that 0.1, 00.1 and 000.1 are all the same. What she was telling me was that a zero to the left had no meaning, purpose or usefulness. To me she was most useful and I adored her.

About four years ago I would jokingly tell people that this photographer was now obsolete, redundant, retired and inconsequential and that I was looking for a country and western composer to create a song with that title.

That joke has become a cold reality. It seems that my sense of purpose is reduced to my daily menialities and feeding my cats. I do know that writing this blog every day gives me a sense of order and routine.

The verb caducar in Spanish translates to expire, without having that extra meaning in English that to expire is also to die. Caducar is equivalent to best before on milk cartons. Am I caducado?

Another fine word in Spanish is útil or useful. Inútil means the opposite but it is also a noun that can define that a person has no value or usefulness.

I should have known all the above many years ago. Precisely it would have been in the late 70s when I started working at the CBC as a stills photographer for variety shows.

One of the directors told me, “Alex you must remember that you are no more useful here than our floor sweeper.”

Because I had very good peripheral vision I never blocked any cameras or appeared in important shots. I was well liked because I was virtually invisible.

Humbling it was and humbling it is.