Top Rosa 'Susan Williams- Ellis' centre R. 'Mrs Oakley Fisher' right R. 'Queen of Sweden' 17 November 2024

 

Sometimes when I look at myself in a mirror, I understand that I am who I am because of the people who mentored me, influenced me and loved me. Ultimately I know that I am who I am because of my Rosemary.

I understand well (influenced by Joan Didion) that the only way to face grief is to write about it. In my case it is about Rosemary who has caused my grief because of her loss.

I calculate that over 50% of my blogs, since Rosemary died on 9 December 2020, are inspired by my thoughts about her.

Today I notice these almost two open roses and the two buds. I know well that although they may have the potential of being able to open, they will not.

Rosemary liked all three but special to both of us is the yellow single tea rose, Rosa ‘Mrs. Oakley Fisher'.

After scanning these three I would have gone upstairs to Rosemary, who in this weather would have been on our bed, to show her. She would have smiled.

It is only now that I have come to think that potential in the future, even if it will not happen, is not too dissimilar to the concept of a memory in the past that will not again be repeated.

I have a definite and sure potential of remembering with smiles and with melancholy all those 52 years that Rosemary and I were together.