Al borde de la desesperación

No había manera de hacerte comprender que así no llegarías nunca a nada, que había cosas que eran demasiado tarde y otras que eran demasiado pronto, y estabas siempre tan al borde de la desesperación en el centro mismo de la alegría y del desenfado, había tanta niebla en tu corazón desconcertado.

Julio Cortázar – Rayuela

Besides being overcome by the overwhelming of thinning out my extensive negative (and slides) output that began in 1960 I have arrived at a melancholy moment of my life when an important person in my life seems to have lost her way.

Some years ago when I mentioned her name to my about-to-die mentor, Brother Edwin Reggio, C.S.C. he immediately told me, “Don’t tell her anything. Let her find her way.” Only in these last few months have I come to realize that pointing out stuff to her only faces me with her anger. So I have let go. But I live in hope.

In this thinning of my files I have found stuff that I could not have found before. As an example it was a file called VGH Cuts. In it are some images of which I have no recollection on how I took it. Did I get a nurse from VGH to come outside to pose by that hospital smokestack (it is long gone)?

I do believe it fit the bill at the time for whatever article in the Georgia Straight it appeared. What you see here is not a scan of the pristine 6x7cm negative but of the deteriorating (I think it adds to impact) contact sheet exposure.

This image appeared before in this blog.

Have things changed?

In our cosy Kitsilano home I live in harmony with my Rosemary. We have wonderful breakfasts in bed. We go shopping with her Rolser in the close by shops and Safeway. Our cats bring calm, consistency and order during a political upheaval that has me turning my phone to CNN as soon as I wake up in the morning.

But I wait in patience (not impatience) and I dare not send my wayward important person the above line from Cortázar’s Rayuela which I am currently reading.

My blogs featuring Cortazar material:

 
El absurdo infinito 
Las líneas de la mano 
Milonga - la Cruz del Sur 
La diosa leontocéfala 
Veredas de Buenos Aires 
Instrucciones para subir una escalera al revés 
Instrucciones para subir una escalera 
Terminan siendo seis 
Estación de la mano 
Tu más profunda piel 
La verdadera cara de los ángeles 
Riesgos para vivir
En un vaso de agua fría o preferentemente tibia 
Orientación de los gatos 

Hidromurías
Las líneas de la mano 
Ventanas a lo insólito 
El guante izquierdo enamorado de la mano derecha 
La puerta condenada
Ventanas a lo insólito II 
Las líneas de la mano II 
Toco tu boca
El hijo del vampiro 
Y tiene medias de mujer 
Patio de tarde 
Pectoral primero 
Resumen de otoño
La cara 
London City 
La explicación es un error bien vestido 
o mirar a las rayuelas 
Resumen de otoño II
Este jarrito verde
Sonreía sin sorpresa
Resumen de otoño III

El beso
Pero el amor esa palabra
A un dios desconocido
Del colorado al amarillo 
Reunión con un círculo rojo 
La protección inútil
el tubo de dentífrico
Tu corazón desconcertado