There is a framed portrait of my Rosemary on the
opposite wall from my bed. Rarely did I ever take portraits of my family with
them smiling. I asked them to stare into my camera which was always at their
eye level. The result is that Rosemary in this portrait that I took in Mexico
City in 1969 stares at me. As soon as I turn off the lights in the evening she
keeps staring at me.
I took this self-portrait because I had a memory that
has haunted me since I was 6. The upcoming Halloween is part of it.
When I was 6 in Buenos Aires my mother worked for the
American School that was right next to the Belgrano-R train station. She had
friends in the American Embassy and often brought American foods that charmed
me. It was on that important day (it must have been close to Halloween in the
US when she showed me a package of multi-coloured candy she told me was called
candy corn. She offered me a handful. They were delicious. I wanted more. She
told me no and I watched her open an armoire and place the bag in it. She went
to the kitchen. I immediately opened the armoire and helped myself to more
candy. But there was a mirror behind one of the doors. I saw myself and I
mentally told myself, “That is me.” I
believe that in that moment I became who I am and to this day while I am all
that much older that is still me.
Borges once wrote that every first occasion is
followed by an infinite repetition of it until we die.
And so when I took the picture illustrating this blog
I quickly saw myself as a little blond boy who found his way into his
existence. There is another thought in my mind when I look at myself in a
mirror. Borges wrote, “Is this the last time this mirror will reflect my face?”