One day a few weeks later [after John Gregory Dunn’s death]I
gathered up more bags and took them to John’s office, where he had kept his
clothes. I was not yet prepared to address the suits and shirts and jackets but
I thought I could handle what remained of the shoes, a start.
I stopped at the door of the room.
I could not give away the rest of his shoes.
I stood there for a moment, then realized why: he would need
shoes if he was to return.
The recognition of this thought by no means eradicated the
thought.
I have still not tried to
determine (say, by giving away the shoes) if the thought has lost its
power.
The Year of Magical Thinking – Joan Didion
My Rosemary had bunions and always had difficulty in finding
shoes that fit her. From the very beginning once we were married I always
accompanied her to buy shoes. Often she bought the ones I suggested. After many
years I really enjoyed the buying of her shoes. The shoe in this scan is one we
bought at a Buenos Aires shoe store on Florida and Avenida de Mayo. They were
her favourites when she didn’t have to dress up.
After Rosemary died on 9 December 2020 I found some comfort
in Didion’s book. She started writing the book the morning after he husband
died at their home dinner table of a heart attack. I so liked this book that I read many more
Didion books. Thanks to Didion I learned that while I would never get over
Rosemary’s death, writing about her, was one way of overcoming a deep
melancholy because it inspired me associate the many memories of having lived
with her so many years. To this day, I have written 7042 blogs and many of them
include her.
While unlike Didion I don’t think Rosemary will return to
wear her shoes, I cannot just throw them into the garbage. The shoes have her presence and like Didion when I look at my closet in front of
my bed I know her shoes are neatly arrayed behind the door.