In Spanish “no es” translates to “she isn’t”. “No está” becomes “she is not here”. That dual meaning of “to be” in Spanish for a person who speaks it, and thinks it (me), becomes, more intense. This is especially the case as I rot on my bed in the morning with Niño and Niña and my peripheral vision senses that empty spot on the bed on my right that used to be Rosemary’s.
With fall here, I have been thinking that you look at spring and summer as something that is going to happen, that it is coming. But with fall and winter, it is about something going away, even of it being taken away. That is why when the season changes, now that it is fall, I feel that going away of someone who was always here for me.
Fortunately my two cats provide me with a needed warmth and cuddling. Every once in a while, randomly I loudly say, “Rosemary!” They do not respond. Are they lucky to not remember?
Empty my Heart, of Thee Emily Dickinson
587
Empty my Heart, of Thee —
Its single Artery —
Begin, and leave Thee out —
Simply Extinction's Date —
Much Billow hath the Sea —
One Baltic — They —
Subtract Thyself, in play,
And not enough of me
Is left — to put away —
"Myself" meanth Thee —
Erase the Root — no Tree —
Thee — then — no me —
The Heavens stripped —
Eternity's vas pocket, picked —