Aristotle coined the expression “nature abhors a vacuum”.
That came to my thought today.
I often have a hard time falling asleep as I have never been able to follow that advice, “Don’t think; relax and you will sleep.”
When it is hot in the summer I think of Rosemary taking showers in Veracruz when we first met in 1967. When it is cold I think that as soon as I get home I will get into bed with her and we will get warm.
I have this lovely cashmere scarf she gave me some years ago. I have been wearing it when I walk Niño. Of course the scarf and walking Niño make me think of Rosemary and I feel sad.
There is an old Star Trek episode that is much in my mind. It is called The Mark of Gideon. I can see Captain Kirk and behind him a window with constantly moving people from one side to another. Gideon is overpopulated.
In much the same way, when I turn of the lights people, I knew, friends & family, almost all dead. These people happen in my mind randomly. There are a couple that are frequent. They are my St. Edward’s High School good buddies, Lee Lytton and Howard Houston.
More and more, now I dream, and because I have to get up about 3 times to go to where the king goes alone, I remember the last part of the dream. Rosemary is now in those dreams.
All the above has brought me to the realization that as a
human being I cannot seize to think and empty my mind. Does Nature abhor an
empty mind and non-thought? No.
I have written often here how association is what makes us human. Can I stop walking Niño and not remember that Rosemary started it? Can I dry plates and put them up in the cupboard without thinking that both Rosemary and I liked to have a clear kitchen?
There are myriads of events I notice every day that remind me of Rosemary. I know I cannot stop. Busy distractions are only short-lived. Ultimately Rosemary is in my head.
I find myself on my bed a lot during the day accompanied by my two cats. Instead of reading I stare at the ceiling and think.With my mind full my day cannot be an empty one.