"Little Cousins, Called back, Emily."
Emily Dickinson
In my 73 years of existence I have only met four suicides. Three
of them were men (two of which were married to the same woman when they took
their own lives. A third was a photographer and the fourth, was a woman, a
young exotic dancer called Carmen who ended her life in 1978. I have no idea
what may have caused the three men to take their life in their own hands. But
Carmen was more of an enigma. She was a happy, cheerful girl that at the time I
would have used the term bubbly.
All these years later, I wonder if anybody remembers
her. Carmen is in my files under C with
the extra addition of the word suicide. I never knew her last name.
I cannot begin to understand what would have led her to
leave us. My only very small insight is that through the years when I have been
driving alone on a curvy road and or one with precipices I get this small urge
to point my car towards that instant destruction. I wonder if this is a normal
urge that other people might have. I would be afraid to ask.
